FINAL - Ep17 S2: My Warrior Initiation Experience at Kambo Body Bliss (Pt. 1)
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Cynthia: [00:00:00] Hi welcome to the spiritually embodied leader podcast. It feels a little bit surreal [00:01:00] to be honest I'm recording this right now and I wasn't sure when it was going to come about. Honestly, I was trying to force it to come sooner but you know I'm still learning and integrating how to trust the process, spirit, divine timing. I'm sure you probably know what I'm talking about.
So, yeah if you're watching this on YouTube, you can probably see that I'm in a different room my setup is totally different.
In September, I moved homes and it was a big monumental really shook me to my core, honestly yet it was very needed and so I'm still kind of learning how to move forward in this new space, in this new way and then in October, I went through this amazing, powerful initiation called the Kambo Body Bliss and I felt really called to share my experience and storytell a bit and [00:02:00] so that's going to be part one and part two is going to be an interview with the main facilitator Aluna Lua, as she goes by. I'm not sure if that's like her real first name, but anyway, I call her Lua and I'm going to be bringing her on to talk about Kambo Body Bliss and the medicines that we worked with and kind of like more of the behind the scenes of her mind and her heart and how KBB came to be.
And yeah, try to help answer maybe some of your questions that you have and so, you know what if you You know, are listening to this now and before the next episode comes that where I interview Aluna Lua, if you have any questions that you want me to ask her, send me a DM on Instagram, okay?
I'm going to have my own questions and all but honestly this is dedicated to those who feel the call, feel the nudge, feel the pull, the whispers of their heart [00:03:00] that is telling them that it's time to step into their humble warrior self. Because Kambo Body Bliss truly is an initiation and activation and awakening of the warrior spirit within you.
Just to give a little update about the podcast, I'm going to be sharing episodes bi-weekly that's the intention. Now that I have a different schedule and I even got a new job and all this stuff. Yeah, I'm learning how to adapt and be malleable and figure out what's doable for me. So, yeah hit me up if you've got any particular questions that you'd like me to ask Lua and let's make some magic together.
Kambo Body Bliss came to me in the spring of 2023 so I'm recording this in the fall of 2024 and I [00:04:00] did the fall 24 initiation. So it was about a year and a half of me having a ticket to KBB and just it wasn't the time and when I met Lua, it was actually at a festival called lucidity that happens in Santa Barbara.
I don't know if it's still going to happen anymore unfortunately but I am so grateful for that festival and all of the beauty that I got to experience and still get to experience from that festival. There they had cacao and recovery workshops that I just so happen to pitch my tent right next to they had this like canopy for the work for various workshops.
And so I pitched my tent, me, Cody, Lily my little family of three and every time that they had the cacao and recovery workshops I just so happened to be at my tent, probably cooking or something and I listened and I'm like, you know what? I want to be a part of that and so every time they had those workshops, I was a [00:05:00] part of it and after the third workshop, I decided to stay after to meet the facilitators and just hang out and I was just like, dude, this is amazing and they invited me to do a hapeh ceremony with them, and I was like, okay, cool. So I settle in, you know, and as they're like preparing the medicine I see this beautiful woman dressed in white, I believe like off white color with lace and beautiful hats and makeup and just gorgeous woman that walks in. Like I see her walking and I'm like, wow, she has such beautiful energy and then she's like turning and walking towards us and I'm like, oh my God, how cool she's coming in and I'm sitting on the stage.
Right. There's an open spot next to me and she's there and she sits down next to me and singing I think 'cause I can feel like the energy and the intention, the presence start to shift with the workshop facilitators and Lua and so we go [00:06:00] through the hapeh ceremony and mind you, at that time, I had done hapeh for several years.
I thought it was only a couple, but I like, now that I'm reflecting back, I'm like, oh no, that was like a handful of years that I had been in practice with hapeh at that time, I, I wasn't practicing with hapeh but we had one of the most beautiful healing, hapeh experiences. Well, I did, that was my experience anyway.
And I was like, wow, the way in which they facilitated the space held space, I started crying. They were singing and it was just amazing and towards the end Lua was like, "Hi, would you like to be on my mailing list?" And I was like, who are you like, mailing list? And so I get on the mailing list of Madaly, I believe who facilitated that particular workshop and then I get on Lua's mailing list and she's like, these are my students and in that moment, I'm like, I'm meant to work with this woman.
I don't know how, I don't know [00:07:00] when, but she's my new guide now and so I give her my information and we part ways and go home eventually and maybe like a month later they connect with me and Lua finds my Instagram and I'm like, all right, cool and I look into her website and her content and all the things. I even take one of her free workshops on her website and I'm just like, I really like this woman, like, there's just this deep sense of trust was well established from the beginning and so, eventually I come to find kambo body bliss waitlist and I'm like, Ooh, this is interesting okay they sit with sananga never done it before, but I knew I was like, at some point I'm going to, so maybe it's here but they also do this three part hapeh facilitation training and I'm like, that's interesting because when hapeh came into my life, it was a self-practice but then when I went to different [00:08:00] festivals, people were reaching out to me because they either , took too much psychedelics or something was going on there we're in a very distressed state and so I just found myself administering hapeh to these people that were having a hard time and every time they were like, oh my God, thank you so much. I needed that. Like, There was just so much chaos going on in my mind and in my spirit and so hapeh really helped to disperse all of that chaos and fortunately there wasn't a negative experience.
Other than this one time I went to a home and the last person that I administered to, he ended up purging for several hours. Not to say that that's a negative experience, hapeh definitely can have that effect if it's necessary but I just wasn't trained I wasn't aware, I wasn't prepared for the possibilities that hapeh can reveal to people and so I was like, okay, cool. Like, [00:09:00] you know, I'd love to you know, carry that medicine in a better way. Right? I had already known about Kambo and I had sat with it for one day in a previous home of mine in my backyard and it was interesting and I was a bit scared at the time, but I was like, I would love to do kambo with this woman with Lua and it was three kambo ceremonies.
Okay. In one weekend it was like, damn, that's some, that's some shit right there.
So, yeah, I was like, yep, let's do it. Let's go get myself on the wait list and I come across this very special deal. I was like, oh my God, two for one that sounds amazing. I don't think she offers that anymore but at that time it was perfect. I was like, oh, well somebody will come with me and of course I offered that ticket to my partner at the time cause he knew and he was like, ah, yeah, I should be doing this, but it wasn't this like I'm ready to do this energy. He was just like, yeah, it needs to be done yet, I, I [00:10:00] could just sense that he wasn't wholeheartedly, like ready to go, you know?
But anyway, I bought the two tickets and I was like, all right, cool. We're going to do this and then about a month later, I end up separating from my partner and so I go through this whole separation process and end up living with my mom for a couple months until the spot at my grandmother's house opens up and is available to me and then I transitioned into that space in August of 23 and it was about that time when Lua was like, okay, so are you going to make it to this KBB that you signed up for? And I'm like, oh my God, like I can't right now. It's not a good time for me. I had just started homeschooling for the very first time and I was doing all the curriculum.
I was doing it all single-handedly and so I just didn't have the capacity. But then came spring of 24 and I brought it up to Cody again, and I was like, Hey, like I still have these tickets.
Do you want to go? Like, are we going to, and he actually had already [00:11:00] forgotten about it. He was like, oh what is it again? And mind you, this is a 10 day experience. It's a 10 day space holder initiation to cleanse the body, the organs, and to awaken your warrior spirit at the retreat.
Just to break it down an even more there is a four day retreat that happens in South, Los Angeles and we also start the 10 day cleanse. So day one, you're at the retreat and you start the cleanse, right? And then you do the three days of the medicines and then one day to just reintegrate and once you get home, you're continuing the cleanse for the rest of the seven days. So completely plant-based grain-free, legume-free and by dev day seven, eight and nine, even 10, if you choose, you're also cleansing out your colon, you do an enema and then you do a liver cleanse [00:12:00] and you flush out gallstones out of your gallbladder in a way that's painless.
Okay, and then after that, it's suggested to do another colon cleanse so that there is no gallstones left behind in the colon after you flushed out your liver and gall bladder and kidney and all of that.
So anyway now in the spring of 23 when I brought up KBB to Cody and he was kind of trying to remember what we signed up for and the whole thing and I was like, breaking down, you know, all this and like, we got to have orientation calls and this and that, Right. and he was just like, oh my God, that's a lot to commit to.
And I was just like, yeah, but it's going to be fucking amazing. Like. You know, it's only good can come from it. So anyway, at that time he had gotten new girlfriend, he was in a new relationship, that was really hard for me and I was also having trouble with finding a job and this and that issues with government assistance and blah, blah, blah.
So it just, it was not a good time again and I [00:13:00] told Lua I'm like, I'm so sorry, but like, I understand if you, you know, you can't save another seat for me or whatever, but she was very patient, you know, she was just like, all right. all right, I'll touch base with you again.
So the year went on and then Lua reached out she's like, all right, Cynthia, this is your final chance. This is the last time we're going to save a seat for you. Do you want to come to KBB in fall of 24? And I was like, you know what? This is it. It's time. And at the time I was like, you know what? Cody probably forgot all about it again, it didn't seem like he was committed there was just something about it. My spirit was just like that he's not ready, he's just not ready. And so. I offered my ticket to one of my best friends Sarita and it's so funny. Shout outs to Sarita if you're listening to this girl, fucking love you, like ride or die. Her and I met in Kathrin Zenkina's Manifestation Babe Academy. Gosh, like three years ago, I believe and we decided to connect because we wanted an accountability partner and I specifically wanted someone that was [00:14:00] in San Diego. Right. So I can like see them and be with them when we choose to. And so we have stayed connected all these years and I was like, do you want to be a part of this experience?
My intuition was just like, offer it to her right now. And I did. And immediately she was like, yeah, she had never heard of Kambo. She had never heard of hapeh and she had no idea, she just knew it was like going to be a healing experience and it's like a medicine circle, which she was a little bit familiar with. But yeah, she was just like, let's go. I told Lua, I was like, all right, I've got someone that's gonna, have my second ticket and I'm ready. Let's do it. And so I secured our seats. We did all the paperwork, blah, blah, blah, interview, process, this and that and yeah, we had our first call, I believe at the end of September at the very beginning of October and even at that time, I was let go of my current job and I was like, holy shit. Oh my God, like, how am I going to do this? Is this like, can I even [00:15:00] afford and blah, blah, blah and this and that. And I started noticing myself like buckle, you know?
And I was just like, oh my God and in that moment, I was like, you know what? Am I going to commit to this or not? If this is really meant for me, I'm going all in. I'll figure it out. It's all gonna work out and in that moment, it was like, okay, yes, let's do this. And so with some of the savings that I had at the time I prepared myself and got on the orientation call and then we started connecting over WhatsApp and there was actually a three-day prep period for the diet.
So we started the body bliss meals as they say the body bliss like diet, dieta three days before. So completely plant-based, grain-free, legume free, no caffeine, no alcohol, no sex, if you can like no social media, anything that has become an addictive pattern, tendency, habit. Right? So beginning to [00:16:00] cleanse the body, cleanse the mind, cleanse the spirit, all of that. And I could tell, like my tummy, like I had dealt with so much bloat and inflammation and had a really hard time with sugar cravings, all this stuff and like starting the dieta three days before it was challenging and I felt like constipated and I was just like, oh, Okay I can't wait to sit with Kambo because it's just going to fucking flush it all out. you know?
So anyway, thursday Sarita and I pack up the car. We head out to LA and eventually make it to the angel palace and the angel palace I believe is in Rancho Palos Verdes, which is like south LA, like the west side of long beach kind of area, beautiful location.
Oh my God. I love that area. I would love to live there. If it's in the cards the stars for me and it was just so interesting because after the [00:17:00] very disruptive move, moving homes. It was actually really hard because there was a big rupture in my family specifically on my mother's side of the family and my behavior was kind of the catalyst to that. I had all of these thoughts and feelings and anger and this and that, and it was really, really rough, you know, and I hit this kind of breaking point with one of my family members and it just, it was a lot on my system.
Yeah. When I was picking up Sarita and I asked her to drive my car and I got in the passenger seat on the way up you know, for the next couple of hours. I just felt my nervous system, like all of the bracing, all of the fucking walls that I had up everything just started finally melting away and I was like, oh my God. Like I was, down-regulating a lot, kind of a little too much.
I was kind of getting way too grounded. I was almost falling asleep in the passenger seat, but her and I were talking, so I was like, okay, try it, [00:18:00] stay focused. Right. but I could tell I'm like, wow, I really need this right now and once we parked in front of the angel palace and I got out and I saw a couple of people. One of the housemates there was outside and I was just like, oh my God, I'm so freaking happy to see you.
Like, It just felt so good. I could already feel like the nourishment. Start to hit my body. And I was just telling Sarita like, I'm so happy we're here. Like, God, this already feels like a dream come true. So anyway, we come in, unpack the car, say hi to Lua, You know, she shows me where we're going to sleep and this and that and we start to settle in and more people start to come and I start meeting some of the housemates and this and that and it was a really beautiful space that she has created in that home. the way in which she decorated the walls and the altar and herself, it's like the way in which she lives, and her home, truly is a temple.
It's a sacred way of life and living, and God, [00:19:00] it was just so beautiful and especially my moon is in Libra. So like when people put a lot of effort into aesthetics and like setting the energetic atmosphere, I'm like, yes, like yes. So inspiring but yeah. So then came day one and we all settled, you know, sitting in a circle and having a lot of orientation and then came Sananga and I was like, oh man.
Okay, here we go cause I've heard a lot of talk about Sananga and you know, stick around for part two the next episode, because I'm going to be asking Lua what Sananga is and all of that cause I don't really know much about it, but I've heard a lot about it and that it burns the eyes a whole lot, yet I myself wear prescription glasses and I've been wanting to come across something that would help heal my eyes. You know, if not physically, hapehefully energetically spiritually, but not just my physical eyes, but my third eye, right, my inner eye, my inner vision, all of that.
And in preparation for the Sananga [00:20:00] Lua was mentioning how we're going to do like a breathwork session and this and that and right before we start to like lay down for the Sananga I was like, Hey Lua, like how long is the breath work? Like how intense is it? Because I have developed complex PTSD from my past, usually when I go through a breath work, like hour long session, and we're doing a particular breath and it's like this cathartic experience it's just so overwhelming for my system and the PTSD that I'm learning how to heal and cope and all of that. Typically I end up feeling worse after the breath work than I did before I started it and so I have just made this decision in the past where I'm like, you know what, unless I come across a trauma informed breathwork facilitator, I'm just not going to take part in the breath work practices because it's like my trauma responses, the anxiety, like I it's so much that I literally need somebody else to help [00:21:00] me regulate myself. It's like too much for me to be able to handle all my own even.
So anyway, I mentioned that to her and she was like, thank you so much for saying that the way in which I do it, it's gentle, there stages, we don't do it for an hour long. Like I believe it'll be okay and if it does feel like too much, you're always welcome to stop or slow the breath, go at your own pace, all this stuff.
She was very understanding and I was like, okay, cool. Thank you. And so I laid down and we had Sananga and fortunately she also, you know, is a trauma informed facilitator and so she was mentioning how some of the tribes that she's experienced the Sananga with is so strong. Like the Sananga is unbearably strong.
It's like, God, I burns. You feel like you're fucking eyes are just going to shrivel up. And she's like, you know what? That's not necessary. It doesn't need to be that strong. So the Sananga that she prepares, she dilutes it a [00:22:00] significant amount. So that it's much easier to sit with, especially if it's your first time and if you want to continue practicing it at home, it's a lot easier you know, to start building that relationship with Sananga
I was like, okay, cool. So we lay down and it's placed on the eyes and she tells us to blink and I could feel the burn. Honestly, it lasted for I don't know, five seconds or so the height of the burn and then it started to dissipate and it was really, really beautiful and I'm like, oh, that wasn't so bad and actually moments after the pain alleviated itself. I was like, I actually want more like that was so refreshing. I was like, I kinda want to ask for more. But we go into a meditative state and then she starts to guide us into this breathwork experience and it's really beautiful and gentle, activating enough where it's like, okay, like you can feel the energy shifting and moving and we're holding the [00:23:00] inhale and then holding the exhale and all this stuff and eventually she starts to guide us to tap on our bodies and repeat affirmative statements and oh my God, every time we did that I cried and it was so beautiful and also one thing that I do want to say is that Lua had dedicated each day. The three days well each of the three days to a particular day as I will call it.
So that first day, day one is dedicated to Archangel Michael and I've heard a lot about Archangel, Michael I still have a lot to learn about him yet she had this beautiful altar where at the center there's Archangel Michael and she's sharing you know, the blessings and the lessons and the energies that he is the archetype of. And day two is dedicated to Jesús Christo Jesus Christ and on her main altar there's to the right Jesus [00:24:00] Christ there to honor him and then day three is dedicated to Mother Mary and on the left of her main altar is a statue of Mother Mary and It's just so interesting in which she really utilizes like Archangel Michael, who has the sword to cut away the attachments, the blocks, all of the shit that we don't need that is keeping us, holding us back, you know, any ties to other entities that are not in service to our highest good all of the things, right?
Like we're first detaching and releasing all of that on day one and then day two is the forgiveness piece of Jesús Christo and then day three is the creativity that feminine creativity vortex that Mother Mary and the divine feminine has to share.
After Sananga we also get into hapeh and she starts the three-part facilitation [00:25:00] training and so she is the one that administers hapeh to everyone and it was really powerful when I went up I said I wanted a medium you know, I had, I had some experience, but I didn't want to go crazy and so I asked her for a medium serving and in definitely it was definitely a lot more. a lot stronger than a medium that I was thinking of but she administered it to me and wow like it brought me into this place. It kinda got me face-to-face with the fear and I was just like, oh my God, like having a hard time in my seat and I was just like a bit uncomfortable and hot and heavy and dense and I got out my journal and I was just like, what is this? What am I so afraid of? and so I start writing there's this voice in my head asking me these questions what am I afraid of? I wonder if I have my journal here actually, yeah, I'm going to grab it.
So I brought a particular journal that I love to have my mindful moments and write in during my rising rituals [00:26:00] and so I started going back and forth with myself in this voice, in my head and it was asking me like, what are you afraid of? And at first I was like, oh, I'm afraid of X, Y, and Z and it was like, okay, what else? I'm afraid of that. But then it would respond with something like, okay well, you know, remember this and I'm like, yeah okay you're right. Okay. What are you really afraid of? And so I kept going back and forth and I got to this point were I was like, actually I'm afraid of my heart, my love, I'm afraid of being me and being punished for it. There's a part of me that is afraid that I don't actually like myself, that I don't love myself. I think actually I hate myself and that I wish I wasn't myself and I was mad and upset and uncertain of myself and I feel like that I'm not here for myself and I feel this unappreciation of myself, not wanting to [00:27:00] be there, here, anywhere for, or as myself and the voice asked me, is that true? And I was like, well, no that's not true, but I don't know. What if it is? And that's why I'm hiding and running away and afraid of it because what if it is true? What if I actually do feel these things within me? And then it asked me, are you willing to accept that? And I was like, damn, like, that's so hard to accept. It's like the part of me is like, oh my God, why would I ever but at the same time, there was something within me that was just like, this is how I fucking feel and I was like you know, what, if that's what it takes to heal. Then yes I accept that. That's true. Accepting that it's true that I have these feelings about myself not that it's a fact that I hate myself, but this is how I've been feeling and I was like, damn and so I shared that with the group and it was really interesting and I felt this [00:28:00] kind of like embarrassment I was like, Okay. weird but I just, I just had to share it right? And so time went on and we did Kambo it was time to get ready and the way in which Lua set it up, freaking brilliant because in other ceremonies that I've been in and even that one kambo ceremony that I was in everyone who was participating in the medicine did it all at the same time but Lua does it differently.
So the way in which she set it up, is that she divides the group up into three separate groups. So there is one group that is witnessing everything they're in their seat and they're just watching and also in prayer, you know, it's not just like they're being on your phone, like twiddling your thumbs. It's like, okay, I'm in this space, I'm being a witness and she designated the people that have never done kambo before to be in that first group to just witness and watch. And the second [00:29:00] group we're the guardians, so she had us stepping up to already be space holders for people going through the medicine and so she told us you know, you can use this feather, you can do this, you can do that. Also, I need somebody to spray water on the, the area where the medicine is and blah, blah, blah. So we had all of these different roles and things, and also to be there and how to hold space for people and not guide them into something it's space holding, not guiding. It's being present with them and not touching them, not talking to them. If they need more water, you'll ask or whatever. Yet, you're there being an active participant within the medicine space and being that guardian. And then the third group were the people that were receiving the medicine and going through the healing. And so I'm just taking a moment now to remember day one of kambo and honestly, I think for me, you know, it was pretty intense. Yet [00:30:00] fortunately when I purge, I noticed with Kambo I'm not doing the Blech or blarg(h) kind of vomit, right? Like I just breathe and I allow all of the liquid to re-released and I'm not like expressing vocally. I'm just letting it come out of me.
Yeah, because with kambo, you have to drink a lot of water a lot as much water that you can take so that when the kambo is coming into your body and through the bloodstream, and it's starting to cleanse your gallbladder and all of that right. because towards the end wanting to excrete all of the bile that the gallbladder produces and it's the thing that like bile also has a lot of the toxins, I believe. See, this is why I'm so excited to bring Lua on so she can really get into the fine details of the medicines cause I'm like, I think that's what happens.
Day one of my kambo experience I remember, yes I felt the heaviest on day one [00:31:00] especially after the hapeh experience and just the density and like, damn, that was really hard to face about myself, you know, I could just feel that density starting to really weigh me down but with the purging and the releasing and all of that, like kambo really helped just like
release a whole lot of that heaviness and by the end of it you know, I laid down, I was very exhausted but I never actually fell asleep and then it came to a point where maybe the last couple people that were in there healing process and there was a song that was playing and I was like, oh my God, this feels really good and I feel like dancing, I feel like moving and I was like, oh, okay, here we go and I just get up out of my seat and I'm just like doing this dance and I can feel the energy and I'm like moving the energy to one of the altars to help continue to transmute it and alchemize it and I'm just like [00:32:00] there and people had told me later that they tripped out how it's like they saw me purging and all this stuff. Having the lay down and then boom, I'm like up and moving and grooving and doing all this stuff and I just felt so good. I was like, oh my God, I can actually be a guardian today in that way. After every medicine that we sat with, we have you know, a share for anyone that wanted to share what came up for them and so we had this big circle, we went around.
And there was some really beautiful shares and so she was like, all right, you guys well done get ready for bed make sure you get some good sleep, cause we're going to do it all over again tomorrow and we're like, oh shit and we had an earlier start to the day since it was a whole lot of orientation talk on day one and so day two do the same thing again, we get ready, we start earlier. I actually began a yin yoga practice at the retreat and [00:33:00] this was one of my intentions. Even before we got to the retreat where I was like, you know what, like I miss my own embodied practice. Like I hadn't really been doing it since I moved in September even a bit before that, like there was just so much going on and I was just like, A bit disoriented within myself and couldn't really grasp on to something that was a rhythm, a commitment, a practice for myself.
And so I was like, all right. Like spirit, please help me get back in a flow with the practice and so day one of the retreat, I ended up doing a yin yoga practice. So I went to the living room I put in my headphones. I did yin yoga for an hour. Oh my God, it was so beautiful and every time, every morning I did get yoga. I got up early enough and I just did the thing anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and some and it was really cool because when I would pick the yoga [00:34:00] sequence, they had a very particular theme and that day of the retreat talked about that theme and I was like, oh my God, how's the freaking Uh, you know, a synchronistic. And so yeah, day two came around I did my yin yoga got ready for the day and we start to talk about, Jesus Christo and this piece about forgiveness and I have this interesting, like relationship with forgiveness. You know, I don't ever want to force myself into it. I'm always open to the idea of me coming to a place of forgiveness with various events and people in my past, but I never force it upon myself and I never make myself feel bad not truly forgiving someone or something.
We start talking about Jesus Christo and then we get into Sananga for day two and So we have the Sananga and we're going through the breath work and at the end when we're starting to do the taps and saying the affirmations, and she starts to [00:35:00] talk about like forgiving and You know, not having to hold on to that pain and the resentment right? and the bitterness and all of that, that we carry around that keeps us from forgiving and oh my God. Like I just, I couldn't help myself anymore and I was just crying and she was just like give it to Jesus you know, like send the forgiveness. And I just, I had to move over I was on my back, right? And I had to roll over onto, into a child's pose. And in that moment, I could just feel myself being like Jesus Christo Like, please take this from me. I'm tired of holding on to this. I'm tired of being so angry you know, and I know that it's only hurting me. It doesn't do anything for this other person.
It really does it and I, I don't need to carry it anymore.
And in the moment I could feel it. I could feel the baggage. I could feel the density, the heaviness. [00:36:00] Just lifting up off of me and I was just, I was in a child's pose with my hands in prayer over my head and I was just like, here like, please take this, I'm done. I'm done doing this. Like I just give it to God.
I give it to Jesus. Like, thank you and God it was a really significant moment You know, and I didn't know exactly. What like bitterness, like from who exactly, or what but it was, it was just a lot, whatever it was I was like, you know what? I'm done. Like, It's gone. Here you go. I give it to God and it was so beautiful.
Like in that moment, I truly felt the presence of Jesus Christo like above us hovering over us and just with his arms out. Just ready to be given what we were ready to let go of and forgive and in that moment, I was like, thank you. Like I hadn't connected with Jesus Christo and many many, many, many years [00:37:00] and the first time that I ever really felt like I connected with God and in the presence of Jesus was when I was going through my confirmation. I think it is, I don't know, in the Catholic tradition, there's like three initiations. I believe there's baptism, something else and confirmation.
Anyway, the second initiation I went to this religious campout. And I was out there with this church group and for some reason, I was like, okay well, with the religion and what they're talking about and all this stuff, I just wasn't really vibing with it but, whenever we would walk out in nature, I felt this really calm presence and I was like, oh my God. There's something really beautiful here and there was a moment where we stopped in the middle of the woods and we gathered in a circle and I was like a little bit outside of the circle and they were talking about Jesus and this and that, and the teachings write or the Bible or whatever and I wasn't really resonating with it at the time, but in that particular [00:38:00] moment, I like my eyes started welling up with tears and I looked up and I could see the trees, but there were kind of like getting blurry because my eyes were wet with tears and then I just felt this presence, this like masculine yet gentle, loving presence and I was like, oh my God. Like, Is that Jesus? And I just felt this like affirmation in my bones you know? that was the one time that I felt his presence the most and I was like, like, Jesus please forgive me for not really.
Agreeing with, or being willing to follow these teachings but I know you now. I can sense your essence, your energy and the divinity within you and you're the Christ consciousness and that's when I was like, oh I believe. And there was just this like, beautiful moment of like, I see you and you see me and like we see each other, it [00:39:00] was just this knowing of our presence in the divinity that was happening between us. I hadn't truly felt that deep direct connection with Jesus Christo until Kambo Body Bliss and in that forgiveness moment. so, so, So grateful for that.
And so, everybody's kind of guided to like, okay, you can you know, when you're ready, go to your journals, blah, blah, blah and we'll reset for the next ceremony and I just take some time to just like calm myself down, take some deep breaths, You know, blow my nose, all the things and I crawl back to my notebook and yeah, and I just settle and in that moment, I was just like, thank you, Jesus. Thank you Jesus.
And we start to transition to the second hapeh facilitation training, right. and that's when Lua introduced us to the Kuripe. [00:40:00] So I can show you mine I got this starter's kit, but it's a self-administering tool and so with the hapeh the powder, which consists usually of tobacco and other plants as well, depending on which tribe it was made from, depending on their location and the trees right around their tribe and all of that which I'm excited for Lua to dive deeper into in part two in the next episode. But once you put the hapeh in your Palm and you put it inside of the pipe piece, right?
There's one side that's dedicated to putting the hapeh in and the other is the mouthpiece and so. You know, along with your intentions, blah, blah, blah. You then put whoa put one in and your nose and the other in the mouth and you blow the hapeh into the nose so it's never inhaled, it's blown [00:41:00] into the nose. She was teaching us all of this and mind you, like, there were some people that had just done hapeh for the very first time, the day before and they're just like, what not now I got to do this to myself. So she's you know, like, okay, this is what you do this is how you do it. Like, teaching us the different blows as well, which I absolutely loved. There was, I think three different blows. One is like the snake blow, one is the deer below and one is the hummingbird blow and there's just the different ways that you can administer the blow depending on the intention that you have, and as well as the type of experience that you want, as well as how long you've done it for, or if it's your first time, you know what I mean? So, yeah, we go about doing the hapeh and I do it for myself and it was great. I don't remember anything in particular about the second hapeh Ceremony but I know I was like in a very deep meditative state Yeah, I just helped me settle [00:42:00] more into my heart and into the present moment and then we got ready for a Kambo and so we switched roles, right? The people that were in the first group that were just observing, right?
The people doing Kambo for the very first time, they then switched to being the guardians Yeah. and the people who were guardians yes. the day before we're then taking the medicine first. Right? Oh, yeah and one thing I will say about day one I remember after the first hapeh when I had that really harsh realization, that was just so hard for me to accept and deal with. She was like, okay, who wants to go first? Or who is a first timer? And this and that we were trying to figure out like, who wants to be in what group? Right. And I was like, I want to go first I just want Kambo to just help me move through this shit cause it's just like a lot for me to just be with right now and day one, I did Kambo first and so day two, uh, I believe I was the witness first and in that moment, Yeah, we got ready.
I also remember my [00:43:00] best friend Sarita I remember seeing her, like I was the guardian and I had feathers and before she even had the medicine placed on her skin. She started crying and crying and I don't want to share too much of her experience, even though she has her own podcast and she did share her own KBB experience on there. I also want to respect people's own personal experience there, but yeah, and it was just so beautiful to be there for her and like witnessing her and just being like, I'm so fucking proud of you Sarita like, yes, like I know it could be scary and I know it's hard and I know it's like sometimes we just go kicking and screaming, but we fucking know it's what meant what's meant to be done, you know? and so, yeah, it was just so beautiful to just be there for someone that has also held such deep space for me you know, in the past and so we go through the whole experience and I'm like a guardian and this and that. I also had this moment where I was given a Dragon's [00:44:00] blood because with Kambo the skin is burned.
So Lua, the facilitator will get typically a stick light it up, blow it out and with that burning end she will make a circle to take off the very first layer of skin. So that when they put the excretion of the frog, they place it on that opening, right. so that when it's on the opening, the medicine goes directly into the bloodstream, like immediately as, as soon as possible. Once the medicine is wiped off and it's ready to help heal those openings. We were given Dragon's blood to put on there to create a scab, right.
I don't remember the scientific name of Dragon's blood, but it's natural and it's great. If you have any kinds of wounds, abrasions, stuff like that, Dragon's blood is amazing to just put on there so it protects it and it creates a scab a lot sooner and so then it doesn't get dirty and blah, blah, blah but I didn't realize [00:45:00] that the cap was still on the bottle and so I'm going over I take off the medicine and I'm like, is it dried up? You know, some, some medicines are so thick and they'll get dry at the cap. You know what I mean? And it'll get stuck but I just. I couldn't figure it out at the time and I'm like, kind of nervous I'm like, oh my God. I'm like, I'm doing this thing, blah, blah, blah wanting it to be perfect but I didn't realize the cap was still on and so then the Dragon's blood eventually I'm like squeezing it super hard and it comes out the side and it's like dripping on their beautiful white dress.
And I'm just like, oh my God.
And so eventually I did that to two people.
And I give back the medicine and I was like, wait before I hand it back to Lua. I'm like, oh my God, wait a minute. This is the cap I was like, oh my God and I took off the cap and I squeezed and of course you know, the liquid would come out so easily and effortlessly and I get nervous cause [00:46:00] I'm like, okay, that's like an open wound. What if I didn't put enough medicine on? Oh my God, like, did I mess it up? Should I go do it again? And so I talked to Lua and I'm like, Hey, Lua, Like, and she we're still in the ceremony Right. she's still like keeping track of time and doing all this stuff that she needs to focus on and I'm like, Lua I didn't know the cap was still on Like, I didn't realize it and I, I don't know if I put enough, I don't think I did it right. Like, Can you please check You know, and I don't mind trying again, but like can you please check? And she was just like, I'm sure it's fine. It's It's totally fine. You know? I was able to put some of the medicine on there and dab it with my finger, blah, blah, blah. But yeah, it was just a mess.
It was a whole mess and so after that moment, I was like, I felt so self-conscious I was like, oh my God, what the fuck did I just do? Like oh, like what if it gets infected? And what if this, like, oh, Cynthia and I'm like, okay, Cynthia calm down. Yeah. Like mistakes happen. Like it's okay. You're still learning. You've never done that before, but of course the [00:47:00] other anxious part of me. It's just like and, after the entire experience when everybody's, finished with the medicine and we chill out and we're in the sharing circle and it's my turn to share and I told everybody what happened, just like I just told you and I was just like oh my God like I was so worried and I like looked to the two ladies that I did it for. I was like, I'm so sorry and they were like, it's fine. But I was the one being the hardest on myself You know, everybody was so kind to me and they're like, it's all right You know? mistakes happen and in that moment, I was like can I forgive myself? You know, like, yes, I'm trying to rationalize, right, but for that part of me that felt so like guilty and bad it was just like, okay, but can you forgive yourself? You know, Other people have already forgiven you. It's okay. That's how we learn sometimes Right. but it's like, I needed that [00:48:00] moment, you know, being a guardian and having that training and practice like really helped me to sit with myself and be like, you know what? I see what I did. I can learn from my mistakes and I forgive myself.
I forgive myself. It's okay. It wasn't intentional. It's all good and in that moment I took a deep breath and I was like, okay I can finally stop worrying and criticizing myself and being like oh my God.
And yeah, so that was the major lesson from being a guardian on day two and, I started noticing that with the Kambo, for me it got a little bit easier. Like it wasn't so heavy. It wasn't so dense. I was able to drink water and I was drinking water all three days, but I was a little more coherent of what was happening and like being able to communicate with people. Oh, can you fill my water bottle? Oh this, oh that and then after that actually we had this other ceremony I hadn't [00:49:00] mentioned yet. Oh, my gosh.
Another plant medicine that we sat with the fourth one was cannabis. In which Lua calls Santa Maria and the thing is I had this really like tough love hate relationship with cannabis.
Okay, the first time I smoked weed, it was a bit traumatic, not a bit. It was very traumatic. I was 12 years old. A family member offered it to me and because I was very close to that family member, I trusted him but the thing is, it was out of a bong that I couldn't even reach the bowl peace to light myself. Okay. I don't know how many feet long foot fit, how long it was but I couldn't even reach it and so he was like, okay, so I'm going to do this I'm gonna light it for you and then once I pull this, then you suck it all, blah, blah, blah. Right. And so I'm like, okay and I didn't know what the fuck I was getting into, but I took this massive bong rip for the [00:50:00] very first time and I went into this like dark, deep space. It was actually like really cool visuals but I got terrified. I was scared out of my mind and we were at one of his friend's house and they came home and they were like, who is this? And they're like, how old is she? and there were like don't ever do this again.
you know? So anyway, that kicks off this whole experience of abusing cannabis and using it as a coping mechanism to escape.
It came into my life where it was, how like things in my life were the most traumatic okay, we were living in this very particular house and basically the complex PTSD that I had referred to earlier that developed within that house in those years from like 12 to about 14, I believe it'd be 11 to 14. Yeah. About two to three years of my life and it was the climax of all of [00:51:00] the traumatic experiences that were happening and so, yeah, I turned to cannabis just get through it, you know? But the thing is it brought up a whole lot of insecurities and all of the thoughts that I was having that I mentioned earlier of just not liking myself You know, and being upset with myself and disappointed in myself and all this stuff.
And so once we moved out of that house, I continued to you know, use cannabis, this and that it was also a part of the social circles and you know what I mean? I used until I was like second year into motherhood. So from 12 until gosh I don't remember how old I was. I was like in my Saturn return when I first became a mom.
So I don't know, a 29 30 maybe. So I had used it for a whole lot of my life while like half of my life at that time, more than half of my life at that time. And it was just really, really tough and so I had this like fear with cannabis you know, like I said, love, hate relationship and so when Lua was like, you know what, we're going to do it in ceremony. It's going to be a prayer and we're going to [00:52:00] utilize the creative medicine that cannabis brings to people, right? That's why she calls it Santa Maria and it's this creative energy that cannabis has and during the cannabis ceremony Lua and her friends we're going to play music like live music and I come to find out that they have this new band member in the group now, and it was the first time that they all play together and it just is so funny because I think part of his name is Michael and another person in the band was also had the name Michael in his name. She really works with Archangel Michael and so she's like, yeah, this is the band of mercy. And apparently I find out that there's the story with Archangel Michael and this group of angels that accompany him during this particular thing Lua has this whole story about it. But these angels that accompany him are called the band of mercy. It was just such a beautiful, like miracle that came together and the band [00:53:00] was absolutely amazing and so I start to mention, because there was another chick that was taking part of the whole ceremony, right? Who also had a very like, upsetting relationship with cannabis and so her and I were like two people that were super afraid and just nervous as fuck and I started to tell the whole group, I'm just like, dude, like I'm afraid that, you know, Santa Maria
is going to bring back all of these traumatic memories and I'm like, not fucking I don't want to deal with that right now. So anyway, I'm like, but you know what? I truly feel that it was a really great moment for me to deeply connect with the medicine, the sacredness of cannabis and to just come to her in a completely different phase of my life in a completely different version of myself and just like be with her you know, and I felt safe. I was like, you know what if I'm going to do this anywhere, I'm going to do it here for sure at the angel palace and especially during KBB and so [00:54:00] we start the cannabis ceremony and I'm there and as we're given like the use of volcano, if you know what that is, it's a bag attached to this mouthpiece that's got the smoke in it and so I'm given my bag right with the smoke and immediately, I drop into this deep meditative state and I can just feel her presence and I'm like, hi and I started having this conversation with Santa Maria and like sharing my intentions and all this stuff and like, oh my God people are starting to hit their bag but I'm just there I don't know for how long I'm like sitting cross-legged with the bag in my lap and I'm having this huge conversation back and forth with Santa Maria and then I start to take in one puff at a time total I take about three puffs and I don't know, maybe like 15 minutes and I realized in that moment that even though I had such a hard time with myself in the [00:55:00] presence of Santa Maria and the past that I can also forgive myself and forgive her. You know what I mean? Cause I thought that, oh, she's doing this to me. Oh, she's bringing up all my shit. You know, I thought she was doing it to me, but really she was just showing me and bringing it front and center of my awareness of all of this pain and hatred that I had towards myself and it was just wild because in that moment I was like, oh my God, I forgive myself
and I forgive Santa Maria 'cause, she was just helping me in that moment to see she opened my eyes to see this part of me that was hurting so badly and so I was able to just really forgive her and forgive myself for blaming her. Right. cause I just didn't fully understand the whole relationship until Lua broke it down at KBB and then eventually she held this prayer of like, [00:56:00] let's call the spirit of our mothers.
The women that brought us into this world that gave us life and oh my God, it was so freaking beautiful because yes, I was thinking about my mother which was a big deal because you know, had I mentioned that we had this big rupture and all this stuff right. and we're still kind of navigating this rupture a little bit. But. I also turned to Santa Maria and I told her, you know what thank you for helping me live another day because during those years where I was experiencing the most amount of trauma and I turned to Santa Maria to help me cope, I was also extremely suicidal. I was so close on several occasions of taking my life and it was with Santa Maria
that helped me to just keep going, that helped me to just live another day to not do what I was thinking, where I just like, I couldn't fucking [00:57:00] take it anymore and before I actually did something to hurt myself and potentially take my life. I turned the Santa Maria and she helped me and even though I really didn't understand, and I didn't know how to help myself in those moments because it was just too much just having kind of like debilitating experience of just not being able to move, Right. even though mentally it's all this chaos Right. and I was like, God, this is so hard to like, look at physically, she calmed my body and it kind of sometimes I got so high, I would just be paralyzed. Like I just couldn't move Right. but it was a blessing in those moments because sometimes my next move was to hurt myself and that night
I was able to just thank her for my life, for helping me get through some of the hardest years of my childhood [00:58:00] and so I thank her for my sacred life and thanked the divinity for bringing that plant into my life and for me to be able to be here right now, to share this experience and to heal that relationship with Santa Maria and say, thank you and I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you and I love you so so much and I have this deep reverence and respect for cannabis that I never really had before and I also got to thank my own mother, you know, even after all the pain and everything that we had been through and all of the hardships, like she did her absolute best for me and she still is and I'm just so grateful.
So, fortunately to [00:59:00] say that night I had a blast. After having those healing moments and meditations and deep conversations and intentions and prayer. We really started to have some fun. We really started to sing and dance and I even had this like, intuitive hit to be like, yo Cynthia, go get on those drums because also during those years from 12 to 14 or even before then, but in that house I learned how to play the drums, like on a drum set and my brother played the bass and his friends at the time he was in high school.
knew how to play other instruments so they would always come over to play music and so I would be the drummer and he's on the base, you know, like that. That's like foundational right there. So it was just really cool, but also I had a very hard time.
I was super insecure and all this stuff and so Santa Maria was like, [01:00:00] Cynthia, go get on the drums like you need to face your fear. I know this is really hard for you right now, but look at this community, look at this space. Even if you fuck up or you're too embarrassed and you like get up and run away, they're still gonna love you for it.
You know? And so I'm like, all right, all right, let's go. So I do it. I get on the drums. I do my thing. I was really nervous. I like didn't really keep a tempo or whatever, but like, it was really cool and they celebrated me and it was really fun and I'm really glad that I did that and so that was the end of day two and go to bed, but of course, with Santa Maria, like just being high and stuff, it was so hard for me to go to bed. I didn't really get much sleep that night but I get up early anyway. I do day three of yin yoga and it was awesome.
So we all come together to settle down and talk about that day was all about Santa Maria right? About a Mother Mary and creativity and being of service right. fulfilling our sacred mission on [01:01:00] this earth and what we're here to do and all of that, and being creative about it, having fun, playing all of that, like the inner child and bringing that forward with mother Mary and it was just so beautiful and so we do Sananga and I think that particular one it was really beautiful. It was really calm and I kind of like got up with like, I was like, oh, cheaper and stuff and so my, I don't know, my vibration was just a lot higher that day with Sananga and we move into hapeh, right?
So I just wanted to grab my new tool and share it with you because it feels really special to me and I'm just so grateful that I was able to acquire my very first Tepi from the KBB community. So, the third hapeh facilitation training was all about learning how to facilitate and administer to others and that is done with a different tool Lua broke down you know, the ins and outs of the do's and don'ts and all this stuff and she also taught us a particular [01:02:00] song that calls in the spirit, this snake spirit and I forgot the story behind that. I'll probably ask her in part two in the next episode but it was just really interesting to like go through the process of learning how to use the tool and also witnessing the people that have like, you know, it's only done hapeh twice in their life. They're at the ceremony or at the retreat and they're like okay, I don't really feel called to do this like outside of this but just for the sake of learning how to do it and practicing in this really safe space and yeah, having the experience they were open to it and so. eventually I bought my very first Tepi and so it's a, an elongated tool were one goes into the nose of the person that's receiving the medicine and then the administer has their mouthpiece and this one that I got is made out of bone and it's actually a bone of a Crow. So we've got this beautiful Crow medicine here I forgot what tribe made this [01:03:00] one, but I really like it cause it's got like green like dark green jewel on it with white jewel and green is one of my favorite colors because of nature and the plants. I bought this tool right before I walked out the door the fourth day of the retreat.
So, I used somebody else's tool at that time but yeah, so that was really interesting and the person that actually administered to me, she didn't want to like from the very beginning, she was like, no, no, no, no. I'm not going to do, I'm not going to do, I'm not going to do it and then the person that was going to step in to do it for her. He, I don't know, for some reason how to get up and go, he was like, I'm so sorry like I got to go and so everybody had a partner, but me and the chick that didn't want to do it for the while she was sitting in front of me and she was just like I don't want to make a mistake I would feel bad for like messing up your experience and I'm like, [01:04:00] well, you know like the only way we can learn and get better at something is to practice it and the only way that we're going to get past the mistakes is if we actually do the thing. You know, and she was like, you're right. She didn't say it, but she looked at me like, yeah, you're right. I was like, you know, I'm totally okay with you practicing on me, you know, like it's okay to make a mistake because this is what we're doing. We're literally learning how to and just, yeah being the student and being the teacher all at the same time and she was like, okay, you know what, I'm going to do it. I was like, okay, cool and she goes for it and it was really great and we give each other feedback as well. you know? Oh I liked how you did this and next time you know, practice on doing this a bit better and it was really, really cool and I know that from my experience administering for her. The first blow the first nostril she was like, you were very confident, you [01:05:00] know, it was like a straight shot and you was just boom, there, it was but because it was her first time doing hapeh in the whole weekend, she had this like reaction and like, she just, her head kind of twitch to the right and she had this like, ah, kind of look on her face and after that first one, I was like oh, maybe that was a little too much. You know, I was kind of second guessing myself.
Oh, maybe I went a little too hard. Oh, blah, blah blah and so I get the second dosage ready and I go for her second nostril and it was weak because I held back and I wasn't sure and I was like, oh, maybe it was too much, blah, blah, blah and basically she didn't really receive the medicine, even though it looked like she did, but it wasn't until she gave me feedback that she didn't really feel that second side and I was like, oh, dang. Okay I was like, I'm sorry. You know? She's like, oh, it's all good. So I mentioned it to Lua my experience of administering and losing my confidence and being like, oh, like how do I keep myself [01:06:00] from like holding back or second guessing or whatever and there were like well, you know, it sounds like you took her reaction personally when it really didn't have much to do with you and also that like communication is key after you administer the first side, like you can really quickly and softly ask them was that good? Or do you need the next one stronger or gentler? Right, and just even that, if they're like, oh, that's great keep that same blow, keep that same thing. Like then, you know you got that confirmation from them, but I'll continue to communicate throughout and no, you're not going to disrupt their whole process and their meditative space you know, like it's good to have that line of communication with them as they're undergoing the medicine and I was like, okay, that's a really good point because sometimes I'm like in the middle of animal, like nervous and blah, blah, blah.
So, anyway that was really, really helpful and [01:07:00] one thing that I had mentioned something that can be really helpful to keep from traumatic experiences happening or to dial down maybe a trauma response when it's happening in the moment is calibration. So when she was getting ready to administer to me, she was nervous about like doing it wrong and what if I do it too hard? What if it's too strong for you? Blah, blah, blah and I was like, okay, that's a valid concern, all good. What we can do since we're in practice, right? This is like studio space like we're just going to see how this goes what we can do is how about you give me a lesser amount of the medicine and if you happen to blow really strong at least I'll have a little less medicine that I'm used to and it won't impact me so strongly, right? versus me taking the regular dosage that I like or stronger and if she gives me a really hard blow, I'm not like knocked on my ass. So then it's not traumatic for her [01:08:00] and so we did that, we calibrated. We calibrated down the medicine, the amount of medicine and she then had more of a range to play with her breath and her blows. So that kind of gave her the space and the confidence to be like, okay, cool. There's less of a chance that I'll quote, unquote, fuck it up. Right? And so I mentioned that the group, cause I'm like, yeah, like because we're practicing, we have this ability to calibrate whatever element that's involved so that we can better equip ourselves when we're out in the real world and we're actually in the middle of a facilitation and applying the practices that we've experienced. So that was really, really cool.
And so of course we got ready for Kambo day three we switched positions again. I think I was the witness first, and then I was a guardian and then I was the last group to receive the medicine and it was really cool that for me, at least the medicine got easier. I was more coherent [01:09:00] again. The music started up and I started getting used to the songs like I was remembering them by heart. I had my bucket. I was like tapping on my bucket, like a drum and I was just like, yeah, like, let's fucking go. Let's do this and it was really interesting because sometimes when I'm going through a stressful time or a painful moment or I can feel my energy dropout, right? Like I'm feeling my energy drain a lot of the times my mood will also drop and I'll get kind of more negative or you know what I mean I'm just a little more pessimistic or whatever and it's like, oh, this sucks but it's like, you know what? Even though I know I'm going through this thing and I'm going to feel ill and I'm going to throw up and all this stuff and yeah, like some of the emotions that come up in the memories like, oh yeah, it's a little hard to experience and face in the moment. I can still have so much joy and gratitude for the healing that's happening, you know, so it was like I [01:10:00] had a smile on my face and one thing that was really freaking cool about this particular Kambo, on day three was that one of the musicians he left, he had to be somewhere else for a different ceremony and so she was like, look, we're down a musician. So I need help. I need help, not just to be a guardian, but also to provide the healing music and so some of us raised our hands and I raised my hand to sing this particular song so we had that experience, which was really cool because Lua is all about having an immersion, an immersive experience where we are like sharing our healing energy, we're being witnessed to everything that's happening and we're also in practice we're also receiving the medicine. It's like everything, all the roles are filled in one way or another by each and every person and it's just such an amazing experience. I got to sing my song and it was really cool because like, okay, the song [01:11:00] goes every little cell in my body is happy every little cell in my body is well I'm so happy every little cell, every little cell in my body is well.
And I repeat that over and over and over and over and over again and so, I got to sing the song, but you know what? Some people are like throwing up and they feel ill and they're like what the fuck
Like, I was like, I don't know this is like the proper song to sing, but I felt called to sing it because it's one song that I know very well. So I sang it and later on after the whole Kambo ceremony and we're in our sharing circle people are sharing about other people's songs and blah, blah, blah, and how it gave them strength and this and that and then somebody was like, oh my God, like talking about how they never have felt as healthy in their body as ever and she was [01:12:00] like in that song, that every little cell song, she was like, that was so perfect because she felt that just like the vibrancy and the optimal health and vitality that she was experiencing at the time, like, that song served her in that moment and while that song didn't really feel fitting for other people that were purging and feeling really sick and ill. Like, at least in that moment, what I had to share was helpful for one person and that just reminds me in online business and entrepreneurship when we're just like, oh like, You know, sometimes we want so many clients to sign up and so many members in the group and blah, blah, blah, or we put out content and we're just like, man, like, why didn't I get so many likes and why this, and why that, and feeling like it's not helping in any way. Sometimes when we received the feedback that one person really [01:13:00] appreciated it. It's like, oh my God that really changed the dynamic because sometimes we get so wrapped up in the vanity metrics Right. and it's like, oh my God but what if I get to help one person even if I put in all this time and effort and energy and look at this fucking podcast episode, like it's. I don't know probably gonna be an hour and a half long or something. Oh, my God I all this time and energy, right, but as long as it helps at least one person, like I am so happy. Thank you God. Thank you God for giving me the strength and the courage to be able to share my heart, my life, my soul in this way and it, actually having a beneficial impact on even just one person in this world, it is worth it and it really just changed that dynamic for me to hear that feedback and you know what even if that person nobody's said anything about that [01:14:00] one song it was helpful for me. I was able to give something, share something from my heart that I felt so happy to do, that like I was lit up about and I fucking did that for myself. That alone is so worth it and having somebody else reflect that back and be like, yo, thank you that's just the cherry on top. You know what I mean? So that was a really cool experience in terms of Kambo day three and I just loved that like when I was in my process and going through the medicine and I was just like, yeah, Yeah, yeah.
This is so good and blah, oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah.
And also like, it was the first time Kambo was coming out the other side as well and so I was like, oh my God, somebody I got to go to the bathroom right away. So I go to the bathroom, they take the water, they take the bucket that we you know, purge in and I'm sitting on this and then the bathroom I won't get into the details but even in the bathroom, like, oh [01:15:00] my God.
Like, I can feel just the way in which it's cleansing and clearing my gut and just releasing things that were really old. I looked back when I was done with the bathroom and I looked inside the toilet and I was like, damn like that. It was really old stuff that I had been holding on to and it was so relieving to just flush it away.
But yeah even like in the bathroom and coming back and I was like, wow this is amazing. So, yeah, we wrap up day three of Kambo we have the celebration because it was the final day. We fucking did it and we have some food. Oh my God. So every day we did smoothies after Kambo shout out to Royal Taj, which is Lua's husband.
So they really do actually co-facilitate kambo body bliss as a whole, but he's more the chef, right? So he's more like behind the scenes. He also does the production and the tech side of things and she is the main facilitator and [01:16:00] leading the whole thing but he is the beautiful chef that has provided the body bliss cleanse and the meals and all this stuff and even the recipes within the online portal that they have that I absolutely love but he made us smoothies every day after the Kambo and it was just so nourishing and delicious and then after the third day, when we have our first like actual meal it was so good. We did this veggie wrap. Oh my God. It was so fucking good and it was so cool to just learn and like help him in the kitchen and this and that and then we have our final cannabis ceremony and it was just really fucking cool.
Like I just had a couple of hits and my other friend who was also afraid of re-engaging with cannabis. She actually had a really, really harsh experience on the first night. Right? Second day, but the second night, third day, she really changed it around and it was amazing to see the transformation and yeah, we just, we had a blast and [01:17:00] oh my God, we ended up doing choreography. Okay, we ended up creating this KBB musical, which was like Lua's dreams.
She was like, my fucking dreams are coming true. Like so many dreams. So many miracles just happened for everybody there and it was just, oh, amazing and so we start to decide who's in what group? Okay. This is over here, like okay. Like separate yourselves and she turns to each section, there was four sections and she's like, okay, who's the leader of this group and so one principle can be all right, you're going to be in the front, you know, blah, blah, blah. Okay.
Who's this leader, who's the leader there and she turns to my group and she's who's the leader here and a part of me is like, oh my God. Okay. Like choreography, dance, Cynthia. This is like your time to shine. Right. because of this like 20 years of dance training experience under my belt and I've got a BFA in dance and all this stuff and so, I'm like on the verge of my tongue, like about to say me me, but something's holding me back [01:18:00] and somebody else was like, okay, I'll do it and I was like, oh Cynthia, like, girl what happened? And I start getting in my head again and I'm like, fuck, like Cynthia, you know, you're the fucking spiritually embodied leader. Like. be one, you know, like what happened? And I was like, okay, well, hold on there, hold on. Like, you never know, like the reason behind it, maybe that was really meant for them, blah, blah, blah and I'm trying to like rationalize right. but of course the part of me is just like criticizing and this and that and who the fuck do you think you are now? Blah, blah, blah.
So anyway, I'm trying to like stay focused, right? Cause she's explaining the fucking like what we're going to do, blah, blah, blah and this voice is critical voice just wouldn't stop trying to get my attention and I'm just like, okay focus Cynthia focus and so then she's like, all right this group is Archangel, blah, blah, blah and you represent X, Y, and Z, right? I forgot which ones they [01:19:00] are and she goes around and she turns to us on the last group and she's like in the direction of south you all represent Archangel Michael And I got chills in that moment I heard this voice tell me you're one of mine now you're one of mine and I truly felt. Like I was chosen to be brought under this wing of Archangel Michael and that's when I like, was like, oh, this is why it wasn't my turn to lead. I wasn't meant to lead in that moment because he was choosing me to be in that particular group. If I would have raised my hand, I would have been in a different group representing a different Archangel and he was like, no, you're meant to be here with me.
You're one of mine now and I was like, wow, that is why it wasn't my place to lead yet. He said you're still in your leadership [01:20:00] initiation. It's not your time yet. You'll get there, but for now, Let's do this. I was like, wow and that totally helped the critical voice just shut the fuck up. After that, not a peep.
Okay and so we get into this creative practice where we're needing to make up choreography and I actually wrote it down cause like, you know, we're like, okay, so what are we going to do? We only had so many eight counts or whatever right? I think we only had 1, 1 8 count maybe two, I don't know. Anyway, we had a little bit amount of time and so instead of being the leader of the group, I then was more like, all right, how about I just direct this creatively, right? Being the creative director of this experience and so we were to make choreography to represent Archangel Michael, the warrior who stands for and represents courage, integrity, purpose, [01:21:00] strength, truth and protection and so I wrote it all down and I turned to each of the people in my group, there was only two other people so it was three of us total and I was like, which word jumps out to you the most?
And one girl said truth, and the other girl I think said strength maybe protection. I'm not sure, but anyway I was like, Ooh courage is for me and so it was like, all right. What movement represents and feels like truth for you and so she did a move I'm like, all right, cool let's break it down into the counts Right? there like you go next okay. For me, this is courage and so I made up my own peace for courage and then the other lady did her piece right for the next word and I ended it on like a sword that was like, my last move and she sliced that sword and opened up to this thing I don't know. It was just so beautiful and so that was our creative contribution to the KBB musical.
And so we did it, we created it [01:22:00] and they put on some music and Lua was like reading the prayer and they went one by one angel by angel and like, it was just so amazing. It was so freaking fun and then Yeah, after that we winded it down, said good night. I had some hapeh with a few people in the back yard, because again, I was like, yo, this like cannabis, if I'm trying to go to sleep while I'm high like.
I'm just going to lay there like. so that helped a bit and went to bed and then the next day just enjoyed it You know, had an integration day. Some people had to leave early the night before most people stayed for the next day. I helped Taj in the kitchen for our big brunch that we had together and yeah, and just had a blast and oh, my goodness.
After that we were sharing some really deep shares for longer periods of time and then after that we said our goodbyes [01:23:00] and we headed home, dropped Sarita off and then I came home and got settled and then the next days we're really beautiful to integrate my vibration was just off the charts and continuing the cleanse and my new diet and I was like, wow, this is amazing and then I did the colon flush. I did a coffee enema for the very first time. That was wild. Oh my God. I felt like I dropped right back into the Kambo, like ceremony. I had to lay down, had to take a nap. I was just purging a lot of emotions other than like everything in my colon like. it brought up so many memories.
I was angry. I was sad. I was like, oh, super uncomfortable. I needed to take a shower but even in the shower, I was like, oh my God and eventually I calmed down, I had a meal, some soup that was delicious and then I started the next day with the liver flush, which is, it's like a two day thing.
It starts in the evening and then the early morning, the next time and that was kind of a lot, it felt [01:24:00] really nauseous throughout the night, but I slept through the night, but like I felt nauseous going to sleep and then I woke up and I was like, oh man, and I ended up flushing out hundreds. I'm talking hundreds of little tiny gallstones from my gallbladder and it was wild the first time I was like, I don't know if that's what that is cause there was also remanence from stuff in the colon but I looked at pictures and watched the training inside of the KBB online portal and I was like, oh no, that, that was that's definitely what it was and that was kind of a big deal I had to stay home by my bathroom the whole day and then day 10, I was like, okay, I'm so ready to do the last colon flush. Let's just get it all out and I did and luckily I had the data myself and I was so oh, my God relieved. I did the colon flush early in the morning, and I had a meal after and I was just elated, like a feeling I have never fucking [01:25:00] experienced ever before. Oh, my goodness and I'm just so grateful because ever since coming back from KBB and like finishing the day 10 and also reintegrating in like family events and all this stuff and holidays, and like even going through my own like old habitual tendencies man it's been a little bit weird, but like, wow, wow. Hearing even family members, the last event I was at, I heard family members talk about how painful it was when their gallstones were trying to be pushed through their system and it was debilitating and they went to the hospital, emergency surgery, took out the gallbladder, all this stuff. Another family member was mentioning that her pancreas was infected it got so bad and all this stuff and I was like, oh my God and I just kind of, you know, mentioned to them like, I actually just did this cleanse. Where I flushed out galls like hundreds of gallstones painlessly, painlessly. You [01:26:00] know? Yeah it was a little uncomfortable but I would rather go through a very meticulous cleanse that was well thought out and done very, very well.
So that it's a painless experience. Yeah a little uncomfortable. It's different but I get to cleanse, clear, and purify my organs and not have to deal with those emergency crisis situations that are so fucking painful and having to then remove one of my organs that I very much want to keep, you know what I mean? And Hey, that's the thing like, they just don't know. We don't know this things, you know, if that happened to you, no shade, no shame at all this may be the first time you're hearing of this and that's the thing. This is why I just so highly recommend KBB to do the Kambo body bliss. Even if you don't come to the in-person retreat you can do the 10 day body bliss at home cause they have it set up [01:27:00] virtually so you can buy the body bliss portion separately or you can do the entire package that includes the in-person retreat, which I, of course, highly recommend. It's fucking amazing. Literally heaven on earth. Okay. But yeah, it's like I found something that is going to help me one, keep my organs, two actually heal them so that I don't have to then possibly get rid of my organs or experience unbelievable pain that's unbearable. Right? And I get to elevate my health and wellness. Right? Elevate all of me, my entire being. And also do it with community like KBB has such a tight neat community.
Since coming back from the retreat and hearing how a couple of the people like meet every morning, I was like, oh my God, I want to be a part of that I didn't have my hapeh yet, all this stuff and we were still like within the KBB group chat but once I completed the 10th day and I was like starting to [01:28:00] detach from the group as a whole and on the last final wrap-up call of KBB I literally got my first hapeh kit. It's like a beginner's kit in the mail while on the KBB call and I was like, oh my God, like how fucking synchronistic, you know, of course and so I was ready to do it myself, but I feel kind of nervous.
Like I don't want to do it alone. I want to do it with my community and ever since then, the next morning I showed up with my hapeh and we sat together for my first time and oh my God, it's been such a dream come true. We meet every morning. Sometimes I do hapeh sometimes I don't. We also do Sananga together,
sometimes I do it sometimes I don't and it's just really is everything. The community is the difference that makes all the difference and I'm just so freaking grateful. It's been really great to just have that support and people who understand and are here for really leaning in on our inner resources and our power and also [01:29:00] collectively too, especially when we're reintegrating back into our family and events and responsibilities and blah, blah, blah. Like it's been a lot you know, but God, I wouldn't have it any other way I really wouldn't.
Okay, so this is long enough thank you so much for listening if you're still here with me, I really appreciate it and I hope that you got some value out of it and of course if you ever have any questions like DM me, I'd love to chat about it. It's been fucking amazing and I'm already signed up for the next KBB in spring of 25.
So yeah, dude hit me up. If you have any questions, also keep in mind Lua the main facilitator of KBB is going to come on in an interview and we're just going to deep dive about KBB. So stick around for that And if you have any questions that you would like Lua to answer, you're welcome to share them with me. Just DM me on Instagram. I'll take note of it and we'll talk about it.
Dude. Okay, so just so you know I asked Lua if I can be an affiliate for KBB [01:30:00] because oh my God it's one of the best things on this earth.
So if you happen to sign up for KBB or even the body bliss cleanse itself, you're welcome to use my name in the application process. I don't have a specific link like I don't have an affiliate link, but when you sign up and go through the application process, there is a section about did anyone refer you? That's where you would put Cynthia Gutierrez to mention that you got the referral from me. So, yeah, I hope this was super helpful and I am just so excited and thank you so much. I am just so glad to be moving forward and this beautiful way and I can't wait to reconnect again. Okay. Ciao. Bye!
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